I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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