im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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