I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
