i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
He shit in the fireplace
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
