Define "chronic" masturbator.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
