I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
