Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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