i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I need mimosas to revive my soul
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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