Porn is love you can see.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Randomize
