I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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