sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
