The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize