Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
