i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
