GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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