can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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