Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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