he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I just found puke in my bra..
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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