Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
