she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
