Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
