I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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