She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Randomize