Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
