addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
