I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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