Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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