I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
