she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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