So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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