You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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