I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I bet he comes in French.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
