I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Every concussion has its silver lining
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
