It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize