I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
