Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
it's great music for shaving your balls
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I booty called her while she was in labor.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
