i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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