Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
