Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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