If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
