Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
