people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize