like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
