before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
