Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Found your dick twin last night
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Just high enough for therapy.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
