Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
