Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
