Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
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