We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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