You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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