Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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