I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
