Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
