All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
