Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Pooping to opera.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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