Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Randomize
