Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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