just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
