I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
