god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
