Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Just puked most of my soul out..
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
