While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize