just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
