Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
