What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Randomize
