my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
